Hell Week

Lord have mercy. *whew* I am so thankful it's Friday.

I feel like I've made it through the infamous Hell Week that Navy Seal recruits go through to try and make it into that elite group of soldiers. I made it through my Hell Week but I can't say that I would ever want to do it again.

Wednesday afternoon hubby came by to see if the kids and I needed anything. I could tell he wasn't having an easy time either, especially when he found out I had already made plans to go home to Texas when school is out and start school myself. I had a feeling from the first that he didn't mean what he was saying, and worried that he was doing it to make life better for me and the kids without him. I was right.

Thursday, I took hubby to the VA and we spent the day together yesterday doing nothing but talking. Real nitty gritty talking, not just the I'm gonna say what you want to hear crap. We left defensiveness and being guarded at the door and really put it all on the table. He felt that he was putting me and the kids through hell and that we would be much better off without him. He has a lot of issues that need to be worked out, but has promised to seek counseling no matter the cost. We have both agreed to set aside a time each day that is devoted strictly to us and for talking about issues, our day, getting to know one another again, etc. I'm willing to try and work this out. I married this man for better or for worse, through sickness and health. I didn't say those words lightly, I knew what I was saying and I meant them. The VA told him the nerve damage in his right arm is extreme. So much has been done to it that at anytime he could lift something that maybe he shouldn't and snap that nerve. He is on the constant verge of losing the use of his right arm. He didn't want me and the kids to have to deal with that if it happens. He has not accepted the disabilities he currently has, so this news was truly overwhelming and he didn't see how I could accept him if he couldn't.

It's Friday and he came home last night. He is sleeping now as I type. Today we are going to find out what the Vet center has to offer as far as weekly counseling. The group thing is a good thing, but I think that is something hubby will have to work into or up to. He's not ready to sit in the middle of other people and talk. But he will some day. I too am going to start going to the significant other's/spouse counseling and group meetings on Mondays. I too need to feel like I'm not alone in all of this. I also joined several online groups for support. There are a lot of women out there with lots of experience and advice and willing to let me lean on them during the really hard times.

I'm not saying that my marriage will ever be picture perfect. I'm not going into this believing that everything will work out as I would like for them to. But I'm not willing to give up just yet.

I'm hanging in because I stood before God and said I would support this man, I would stand beside him through thick and thin, etc. Divorce is too easy, and I'm not going to take the easy road. Now if the deal-breakers get crossed, then that's a different story. But we are giving this a new chance.

I love him, I need him, and he loves, and needs me. Pray for us please.



ps~ Happy 26th Anniversary Dad and P! Love you with all our hearts!